Catch 22 by Tiamari

Whatever I am going to do, its gonna hurt.

If I stay, in the long run he is going to crush my spirit. If I leave… what’s left?

Me, myself, God and my dog.

At some point I had my son, but now that he is all grown up he doesn’t seem to need me that much any more.

Which of course leaves once again… me myself God and the dog.

Now God is of course a great Father, but he won’t sleep with me.

My dog, on the other hand, gladly sleeps with me, but she’s not exactly a romantic partner – just a warm and fluffy body with a little wet snout and she eases the emotional pain when she lovingly cuddles up to me. But as for romance… she’s nothing but a hound dog!

I do believe that I need some sort of sex partner – even if it’s only an imaginary one, a make-believe lover. And it’s hard to change from a real one to a dream once you got used to the real one.

But do I really need sex? Do I really need more kids? Do I even need any kind of company at all?

Well, company is of course a very relative term. Company can come in the form of female friends (or even male friends); I can enjoy fellowship at church; I can drool over other girls’ boyfriends (haha); I can throw myself wholeheartedly into some form of charity. I could even join the rat race of the corporate world and become a workaholic. Or I can call my family once a week and bore them half to death…

I fail to see why I need a sexual partner. What for? A vibrator could do a better job anyway. If I need romance, I can use my imagination. If I need company, I can visit someone.

Maybe I need a soul mate… What is a soul mate?

Would it not be better to go without a partner instead of marrying a sexy Greek god who doesn’t understand me anyway?

My man is just that: “my man”. He is sexy, smart, educated, affluent, funny, sensitive, romantic… but he isn’t my soul mate.

In fact, I’ve never had a soul mate – or if I had one, I must have missed the point altogether – It was a bat that flew over my head without even being noticed.

Or maybe there isn’t a bat after all.

Maybe the term soul mate is just an old wives tale.

Maybe I am missing the whole point of living in the first place. Maybe it isn’t about relationships. Maybe it’s all about money.

Maybe it’s simply about finding out that there isn’t a point at all!